Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (sequel to the last Michael Bay TMNT movie)

Another year, another Michael Bay movie. The thing about Michael Bay is that he is a known quantity. You know exactly what you are getting when you buy a ticket to a Michael Bay movie. There will be explosions. There will be a shit excuse for an utter crap of a story. There will be set pieces. There will be excessive use of computer generated effects. All of the trademarks of a classic Michael Bay movie are here.

I will give Michael Bay some credit; Bay’s movies are almost always commercial successes. It’s not hard to see why studios keep investing in him.

The story is shit. You need to keep in mind that this is a story made to entertain children and sell toys. It’s an extension of the old Saturday morning cartoon system that has been extended to feature films. While there is certainly the opportunity for deeper narrative developments (like the possibility of using the purple goo to turn them into people so that they can fit into a society that fears and hates them), Bay skims over it and hands the reigns of the film to the effects department, as he usually does in most of his films.

Every single line in this movie made me — someone who is over the age of five — cringe. All the actors know the deal and they are putting forward the bare minimum of acting ability necessary. As an actor in a Michael Bay film, your primary focus should be getting through the stunts with all your limbs intact, and that’s what happens here. The actors in this film are just collecting a paycheck and trying to survive, and it shows. In their defense, having a director like Michael Bay likely does not help promote quality performances.

The action is fine.

The computer generated effects are fine.

Score: 2.7/10 The only person buying tickets to this movie are parents whose kids want to buy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys. If you are over the age of five, you will likely not enjoy this movie.

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